come to think of it, i did own an easy bake oven as a child

unemployed, day 37.

ive become quite adept at being unemployed - in fact, its now listed on my resume as a skill, right under bullshitter extraordinaire. in turn, my desire to return to cubicle nation is nearly dead. not that i ever loved the cube, but a paycheck is nice every so often. of course in order to become gainfully employed a few things have to come together. step one is showing up on time for interviews. or in my case, showing up at all. i blew one off today as a matter of fact (sorry dad). the sad thing is, I don't feel guilty. I suppose I should, but I don't. its that voice in my head that says, run for your life!!!

in the meantime, ive been voraciously reading anything I can find about law school and life as a lawyer and other such related jurispredence-based content in books, magazines, blogs, blah.blah.blah. and you know what i keep being told ...life as a lawyer blows (surprise surprise). now, i am not one to be easily influenced by the experiences of others and typically am more inclined to try shit out myself but in this case, the evidence does seem to overwhelmingly point toward DON'T DO IT. That is, unless you aspire to be a depressed, twice divorced, alcoholic (thanks but i can achieve such milestones on my own.) remember that commercial from back in the day that tried to dissuade kids from using drugs - they show the kid playing ball and he says i want to be an athlete and then they show the girl reading and says she wants to be a teacher and then they show the burnout and a voice comes on to say "no one ever says they want to be a junkie when they grow up." bet the dude was an ex-lawyer.ha.

of course there is the argument on the other side of the coin which points toward going to law school for the mere academic piece. learning for the sake of learning. how lovely. and seeing that i am a self-proclaimed closet dork this one has a certain allure to it (and helped to get me into this predicament in the first place). here's the thing, ive done far better in the world of school than I have (thus far) in the world of working. at least on paper. of course the dress code has a lot to do with it. you can show up in your pajamas or flip flops without anyone batting an eyelash. that shit doesnt work too well in the office. trust me, ive tried. and i dont think such attire would go over so well in court either (someone should of told that to michael jackson..ha.ha.)

the word on the street is also that its a misconception to go to law school because you arent sure what else to do or because you have done well enough to get in. so feeling evermore defeated, i actually went to the self-help section of borders yesterday. interesting crowd to say the least.

amongst the dating guides and recovery memoirs, I came across a book called "what should i do with my life?". seriously, thats the title. its written by a man named Po(which is also the same name as the crack type substance they put in your cocktails in brazil to keep you awake..fyi). so in the book Po goes around and interviews all these peeps who struggled to find their niche in the universe of working or got burnt out working for the man (in my case, the fat whore ex-boss). and so i start reading. and here's the kicker, one dude is profiled who went to a top law school, practiced for a few years, and HATED it. yep. he finally got up the balls to leave and chose to use his brain cells to open a cake store (a bakery that only sells cakes). yep. making cakes brought him tremendous happiness in a way that carrying out the laws of the land did not. i love it. who needs to put criminals in jail when there are cakes to be iced! and the dude talked about how he was afraid to jump into something else because he'd invested all this time and energy into school..he also mentioned that all this friends from law school talked about wanting to do dropout of the legal world but had too many loans hanging over their head to just pack up and leave their 90 hour work weeks in the trenches.

maybe the writing is on the wall....maybe i should go dust off my easy bake oven. now i just need to find a picture of jesus in my toast and that will propel me to embark on such a crazy journey.(well, after i sell it to some religious fanatic on ebay for millions).

rock on kiddos!
m

http://www.inboxdollars.com/?r=triplem501

big money

dirty laundry

here is a first draft of the future clothing line (called tenfour).

its inspired by the world of trucking and if all goes according to plan I can ditch the law school plan and move to maui. so hurry up and buy some. just kidding. but let me know if you think it sucks ass or is walmart material.

peace out bitches.

http://www.cafepress.com/triplem501

case dismissed?

i came across this tidbit while doing further research about law school and the practice of law because i continue to change my mind about every six minutes.

Are There Bad Reasons to Study Law?
"Because you get in."
"No, really, the law is fascinating."
"A Law Degree is a great credential for anything."
You can make a lot of money being a lawyer."

well i guess my argument goes right out the window.

there was also an article about a lawyer who left to become a pastry chef. maybe i should add that to the list of possibilities.

she got axed

After the View cohost Star Jones Reynolds announced on the air Tuesday that she would leave the show in July, her network had a response: Leave now.

i wonder if she will sue since she's a lawyer....

reason 106 not to go to law school -

breakin the law for the greater good

on saturday night while headed into the Circle K, some high school kids asked me if I would buy them beer. well, rather, they offered to pay me to buy them beer. and i did it. i figure its my job to fuck up the next generation so that they dont take away my future job. at mcdonalds. ha.ha. i didnt even get carded. thats so sad, guess it really is time for the botox.

rock on kiddies.

gracias

"I like my money right where I can see it, hanging in my closet" Carrie Bradshaw


ANOTHER random person told me I looked like Sarah Jessica Parker. I always thought she was really unattractive so its one of those weird compliments wherein you arent quite sure how to respond. um, thanks?

its kind of like when people tell you that it looks like you lost so much weight. thanks, i guess...was i really a fat whale before and nobody had the balls to tell me?

gluteus maximus

NW Girl statistics...
Recently, the American Psychiatric Association released a groundbreaking study pertaining to women and how they feel about their asses.I know that this may seem silly to you, but as a woman, I TOO feel the societal pressures surrounding my ass.The results were extremely interesting:
1.) 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2.) 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3.) The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love him, he's a good man and they would have married him anyway. ;-)he he he

perfect

Margret - (from the German "M' Argr et" meaning 'to be dangerously insane').

shut it

im not a mushroom so stop feeding me bullshit.

priceless

this one's for you jumanji!

nacho business

http://www.cafepress.com/triplem501

check it.

road rage lingo lesson one

bathing suit beauties

eww.















it happened again. there i am running at the park when i see ....the LOVERS. well, lovers in the context of um....how shall we say....extramarital affairs. yep. if you ever want to find out if your significant other is being unfaithful, i kid you not, check for grass stains. i have been witness to this time and time again while running. here are the signs of such slutty behavior:
there is most likely a blanket involved and as i run past they follow you with their eyes to make sure they havent been caught cheating. its pretty hilarious.
the funniest part is that most of the time they are still dressed in work attire which adds to the suspicion factor if you ask me. shoes off, tie loosed up. hair let down.

so i dare you, prove me wrong, but next time you hit the local park where lots of persons hang out or run, check for the infidels. and check your lovers pants for grass stains and then send me a thank you note if i solved the mystery.

peace out mothertruckas!

and by the way in another attempt to milk all the money out of my internet addiction ive started designing tshirts and other novelty items via cafepress.com. im still a bit retarded when it comes to this sort of thing, so bear with me. but if youve ever wanted to go out on the town with fabio across your chest, now is your big chance. go to my store at cafepress.com and look for triplem501 items. priceless i assure you.

see it to believe it

2006 USA Rock Paper Scissors Tournament Championship Round

check it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ha.ha.ha.ha.

im famous..well sort of

http://blogebrity.com/thelist/

soon you will be able to sell pictures of me on the internet for a fat profit. ok not really, but check me out on the c-list.

remote controlled

sorry for all the ads that adorn orange turtleneck, but a girl has got to make a living somehow. ha. actually its that im just to dumb to figure out how to move them to other places within the blog so they all get to sit at the top. help! anyone, bueller??

well the past few days have been quite a roller coaster. actually more like gridlock because i seem to be under the spell of cable television. its awful. must cancel. must stop watching the janice dickenson modeling agency. ahh! you know you've seen it. dont lie. i guess thats what happens anxiety about law school gets too overwhelming. what the fuck! but i did start making a few bucks by reading emails and filling out surveys. too bad they dont send you a check until you hit$40.00. im up to $9.35. bling bling baby.

in other news,

i went to the law school orientation last week and it was by all accounts a big dork festival teeming with newbies not yet jaded by the misery of adulthood. not that ive actually reached adulthood given that ive never held a job more than 2 years and am far more adept at quitting than most people. maybe ill teach a class on how to tell your boss to shove it up their ass. wonder if i can add that to the skills section of my resume. along with sandwich maker extraordinaire and mail sorter.

ok, im ff to go work on my rap album.

peace out bitches.

m

little yellow bus

i had a dream about Donald Rumsfield. help. this must mean im losing it.

nice legs

guess they chose not to wear the singlet. you know that leotard thing the boys have to wear for high school wrestling. ew. not a pretty site.

ahnold and mary jane

juiced up

Chocolate covered espresso beans: because blinking is overrated.

i stole that mantra from some other blogger dork. sucka! but i am trying to decide whether or not to go to law school despite the fact that every lawyer i know says don't do it and the fact that lawyers were portrayed on television by calista flockhart and her dancing baby (you know you watched this crap so shut it).

i guess im a glutton for punishment and enjoy hanging out with persons who have compete for the role of "i've had less sleep than you therefore I am king." but i like being paid for being a bitch so its tempting. and i love wearing pantsuits and carrying a briefcase.

here are some great excerpts from "Disorder in the Court", a book about all the crazy shit that goes on the courtroom.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?

WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?

WITNESS: July 18th.

ATTORNEY: What year?

WITNESS: Every year.

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?

WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?

WITNESS: We both do.

ATTORNEY: Voodoo?

WITNESS: We do.

ATTORNEY: You do?

WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

WITNESS: Oral.

wasted dead trees for you

so here's the deal people ... can receive LOG HOMES ILLUSTRATED, Oprah, or CHEERLEADING MONTHLY for zero dinero. the world's gone mad! i found this website and thought id relay a few details for my fans (this one's especially for you jumanji).

they ask a bunch of questions so you might have to lie about your name or occupation (lincoln log fanatic, dr. phil fan club president, cheerleader etc.) but in the end you will get to open your mailbox every month and see oprah or pom poms or log cabins smiling back at you. so worth it.

http://www.wow-coupons.com/view-merchant.php?Store_Name=FREEBIES%20-%20FREE%20Magazines">

but seriously check it out they have a shitload of free magazines.

happy reading.

its all about the benjamins baby

ill admit it, I dont recycle because I don't see the point. think about it, you have to clean out all those beer bottles and soda cans and then keep them in a trash can until its nice and full. then you have to transfer them into a giant garbage bag and put them in you car and then drive to a recycling center on the other side of town. your car starts to smell like beer from all the droplets seeping onto your seats. then you finally get to unload the big stash only to be handed a merely $1.36. what??

but ive found another way to supplement my income.

you may notice a few ads now adorn my blog and think to yourself what is this shit?? but don't be alarmed - its going to make me a very wealthy woman. check it, for every 5,000 hits I earn 5 cents. yep. directly put in my paypal account. can you believe it!! so show this puppy to all your friends and neighbors and maybe by the time im 86 I can afford to buy a pack of gum. and you can curse me for stepping in it after i spit it on the ground because it tastes like ass.

crazy bitch

i cant believe this showed up on a list of bestselling books on amazon.com. Pathetic. and look, this is the second part, she also wrote "why men love bitches." nice.

can't belive this bitch makes more money than me.

im going to write part three, entitled "why nobody will ever marry this bitch."

trailer park manners

a book for the masses. seriously, i saw it at Borders. happy reading!

tree giggles

rude, i know. but you laughed - so there.

we wear short shorts

whats with old men and tiny running shorts? eww. based on evidence gathered during today's run there is a definite inverse relationship between age and length...the older the man the teenier the short. and red is definitely the most popular color. perhaps this is an untapped niche in the retail world...sexy seniors anyone? regis could be the spokesman.

just try and prove me wrong.

little pink sweater

take this cubicle and shove it up your ass

im on a mission to find a way to make a living that does not require me to be an office in front of a computer from morning till night. here are the possibilities thus far:

1. sell my organs on the black market
2. smuggle in immigrants in the back of my minivan
3. find osama bin laden (25 million baby!!)

but really its more about avoiding the cubicle and after reading this you too will want to stick it to the man. corporate america bitchass motherfuckas!

read the items below and count how many times you say to yourself..what????

you can't make this shit up.

pulled from this site if you need proof of how the world's gone mad.

http://www.bremercommunications.com/Cubicle_Etiquette.htm



1. Never enter someone’s cubicle without permission. Behave as though cubicles have doors. Do not enter before you have eye contact “permission” from the occupant.

2. Try not to sneak up behind someone in a cube. Announce yourself at their doorway or lightly knock on the wall.

3. Post a sign or flag at your cube entrance to signal when you can be interrupted. Avoid making eye contact with people if you don’t want to be interrupted.

4. Don’t “prairie-dog” over the tops of cubes or peek in as you walk past each one.

5. Don’t loiter outside someone’s cube while you wait for him or her to finish a phone call. Come back at another time.

6. Never read someone’s computer screen or comment on conversations you’ve overheard. Resist answering a question you overheard asked in the cube next to you!

7. Keep your hands off a cube dweller’s desk. Just because there’s no door doesn’t mean you can help yourself to their paper clips.

ha.ha.ha.
enough said.

star jones for president

glamour pusses

YOU CANT MAKE THIS SHIT UP.

ripped from the headlines of aol...

Claws Could Be Out on Cat Reality Show
By Lynn Elber
AP
LOS ANGELES (June 9) - The fur really could fly on TV's latest reality entry: It stars cats. Ten felines, picked from animal shelters nationwide, will live in a New York house to vie - a la "Big Brother" or "Survivor" - for a grand prize, in this instance an executive-level job with Meow Mix cat food.


Meow Mix/AP Zen, Jo and Romeo are three of the ten shelter cats living 'Big Brother' style in a Madison Avenue house.

"This thing is very tongue-in-cheek," Ira Cohen, the company's director of advertising and marketing, said Thursday.

The project will be shown in three-minute segments in the 9 p.m. EDT hour Friday on the Animal Planet channel for 10 consecutive weeks, starting June 16. It had yet to be decided if the segments from the Webcam-equipped "Meow Mix House" on Madison Avenue will air at the same time each night.

Another corporate position, as yet unspecified, will go to the cat voted most popular.
In voiceovers accompanying the kitty action, the cats will be given personalities as crafted by advertising copywriters. Some may be shy, but the Los Angeles and New York cats could turn out to be real glamour pusses, Cohen said.

http://news.aol.com/entertainment/tv/articles/_a/claws-could-be-out-on-cat-reality-show/20060609070909990001

its like butta

look away bitch

sometimes i like to give people dirty looks. its like an instant high. sickening, i know. but i find most people exhausting. the glare acts as a buffer and stymies any chance for them to initiate conversation. is there really any need to discuss the weather with perfect strangers? i think not.

rock on kiddos!

child prodigy my ass

a former boss told me he'd graduated high school at 16. here's an example of his brillance:

He would tell me to mail the phone bill. and then proceed to hand me the invoice, a check, and the envelope. apparently they dont teach envelope licking at law school.

and he had a really small office, it was just him and me "the secretary." he would make me instant message him with questions. yep. or he'd call me. and literally his desk was like 10 feet away.

i only lasted 13 days and then i was like, peace out motherfucker!

scared shitless

i read this today and thought it rang true in more ways than one.

Humans only change when the pain of the status quo outweighs their fear of change.

rock on.

self portrait

who the fuck has a five year plan

how job interviews are like first dates:

1. you consider blowing it off.
2. you convince yourself to go so you can get it over with.
3. you get dressed up.
4. you are late (at least in my case).
5. you bore yourself talking about your past. blah. blah. blah.
6. you escape at the first available opportunity.

shits and giggles

http://youdrunkashell.blogspot.com/

extra large calipers

fat people should not wear tank tops. or bathing suits (and that includes you star jones - cause you still fat!)