wire that jaw up good

and may i introduce to you my friend horizontal stripes! yep. again. AGAIN. how many damn cotton pastel horizontal stripes can one person own? i guess a shitload cause this bitch aint done yet.

and if one more person starts talking about how hot is i'm going to scream. loudly. very loudly. do they think i don't go outside? that i live in a bubble? that i was born without sweat glands? yes, its hot. thanks for STATING THE OBVIOUS. now shut it. and stop whining. and that goes for you too mr. weather guy.

and the whining doesnt just pertain to the weather. nope. it extends to more fun stuff you can't change. like when you are in line at the grocery store and its going nice and slow as always so you star flipping through the national enquirer (you know you read it don't lie) when the freakshow behind you starts rambling. and of course they act as though you should be thrilled to participate in this ridiculous banter about the line being slow as though that will change things. seriously. shut up, im trying to catch up on the latest awful celebrity plastic surgery so go away. ha. but it happened to me yesterday and the dude wouldnt give it a rest. he kept going on and on and on about how they need to hire more box boys and how the cashier should stop talking and just scan the items.

what is that crazy fuck going to do with all that time anyway? i mean he was buying frozen fish sticks and white bread and ice berg lettuce at three in the afternoon. quite the rockstar this whiney old man. and he was slowly inching forward as though that would help the line move faster. at this point he's definitely crossed into my personal space (you know the box you draw around yourself, yeah thats the one). he was all over it. and of course he was all sweaty. and then by the time i got to check out i figured why not annoy the fucker behind me as payback for getting in my space so i started to look for exact change at the bottom of my purse. and it took a good while but i didnt give up. and then of course i had to recount it and then the checker had to recount it. just because i was only buying a box of mints and a bottle of water doesnt mean i can take my sweet time at the front of the line. its kind of fun to irritate someone who is already so rattled they are about to explode. love it!
my other favorite pathetic excuse for a person is the TOO MUCH INFORMATION kiddo. you know the one who tells you all about their bodily functions or their cat's bodily functions or their yeast infection (one of my mother's friends offered up that nastiness). what kind of response is this person looking for??? its repulsive and i tell them so as i vomit all over them. yum.


and today i realized i have a pimple trying to fester in my armit. maybe its from the heat. cause its hot out people!! crazy as hell hot.

drink up you crazy bitches!