im sorry, i dont remember asking

yesterday marked day four of new employment. after about an hour of web browsing, i decide perhaps i should perform my job duties for a few minutes. so i prepare a few documents for xeroxing and head over to the copier. and yet as im standing in front of that monstrous machine the boss comes over to me and says something along the lines of this:

boss: hello.
me: hello.
boss: oh, im feeling much better after having spent a few hours at kaiser on friday night. i was just feeling so awful towards the end of last week. spent the weekend trying to get well.
me: im sorry, i dont remember asking for your health report but thanks for the unnecessary information.

ok, so that wasnt really the response that came out of my mouth as much as the one that swam around my head. the fucked up part is that there definitely is that person who walks up and gives a summary of their weekend or health or children when nobody asked them and nobody cares. i worked for this lawyer that assumed i lived and breathed just to hear about what he was up to at all hours of the day. this sort of "let me tell you what i do with my time" banter probably falls in the top qualities in a person that irritate me because quite frankly its exhausting to have an individual, who by all accounts you would not associate with if not for the workplace, offer up this sort of crap. and you'd think that the lack of response on my part coupled with no eye contact that indicates i give a fuck or want to hear more would shut them up. but no, that is not an effective social cue for these peeps. i guess i need to bust out a bumper sticker and put it on my forehead that says "im sorry i dont remember asking". or perhaps "here's a quarter go call someone who cares". ha.ha. god, i sound like such a cantankerous old woman. but its more a reaction to the absence of boundaries between persons, like how when im at the gym and the sweaty ass next to me busts out the cell phone and rambles on about their stupid day. mind you i have headphones on full blast and i can still hear word for word. dirty looks dont seem to do the trick in this context either. i guess ill have to wear the bumper sticker on my forehead at the gym too.

and an update on the office attire:

250 lb, 5"2 secretary returned from her vacation wearing a sequined tank top and three inch stilletos. nice. very professional. and that wasnt even the worst part, no it was when she sat at her desk and her boobs just sort of laid there on the table because they were so fat and droopy and hanging out from the little tank top. ew. now i feel sick.

happy tuesday superstars!